Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
