Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
