My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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