Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
