im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
