I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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