I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
