if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
