You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
