Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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