"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think i got beer on your cat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
