I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
