did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
