she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
