And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
