Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
