cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
