when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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