trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
