fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
