dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
