im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My dick has a subreddit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
