So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
