This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
