A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
