My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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