I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
