I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
