I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
