God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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