Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
