I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
