hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm both gender and math confused
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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