In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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