I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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