My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
