I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
