did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
