Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
