So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
