Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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