im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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