We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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