Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
