Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
