I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pants are for mortals
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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