it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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