It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
