I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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