nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
